Home is sweet.

One will never know the blessings he has until it is gone, and really for me Melbourne was a time of hard work + loneliness. It was a challenging life that I had endeavoured and it was that same reason that kept me content. But being back in this warm, comfortable house of mine, I am beginning to wonder 'is it necessary to go back and leave all that I'm blessed with behind?'

I'm rocking my guitar for atleast 2 hours a day, somedays 3-4 hours, last Thursday 5 hours. My fingers have blistered and hardened so the pain of holding down chords is gone. I'm practicing more on the strumming techniques now and I gotta say - IT'S SOUNDING GOOD.
Thank God for my musical talent.

I'm reading four different books. (On top of playing the guitar)
Yes, I have that much time on my hands..
three of them being Christian readings, and the other, 'The Language for Space Design.'
I bought it in Korea for 48,000원, it's as thick as an encyclopedia, and it's all in Korean.
I get the gist of it but have minimal idea on what 50% of the words mean.
이것도 언어의 욕심이 나서 샀다.
But my understanding will improve as I read into it.

The recovery

From days of listening to Rev. Jae Park's online sermons, I have escaped either temporarily or permanently from the black hole that was sucking on my spirit. Anger got a hold of me. and I know, if I had continued my daily QT and bible reading I would have sobbed to God instead of this big rage. I seem to have naturally compromised bible reading with this sermon lullaby.

I need my daily supplement.
(Speaking of supplements, I failed swallowing centrum this morning.)


This is another one of my findings, it made me ponder on the question..'should I set off again or resolve matters in the homeland?' (I'm talking about Melbourne by the way..)

"So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun."

-Chris McCandless's letter to his friend from 127 Hours


- 기타 배우기 day 8 -

Life sux

왜 내 인생은 이럴까..........................................슬프고 가슴 아프다......................................죄가 싫다.............................그냥 다 싫다.................................................FUCKING HELL.

하나님, 저 데려가 주세요......................하나님 왜 제 인생은 이래요? ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ캬ㅓ리ㅑ머이ㅑ저이ㅑㅓㅈ미ㅑ어ㅣㅑㅁ저이ㅑ저이ㅑㅈ멍쟈러ㅑㄷ로댜ㅗ랴ㅗ딤러ㅕ더어ㅗㄹ더ㅗㄹ야저ㅜ춛러ㅣ먀으ㅑㅁㅈ어저럴아ㅓㅏㅓ야조랴ㅓ댜로ㅑ저ㅣㅈ먀ㅓ이ㅑㅗ랴저ㅗㅇㅇ츱쟈ㅓㅇㅇㅇㅇㅇㅇㄴ난 왜이렇게 몬난거에요ㅕㅑㅓ이ㅑ더랴ㅣㅁ 랴저'에ㅐ다에ㅐㄴ머ㅓㄼ재거댱챠덜댜ㅓ랴ㅓ마ㅐㅈ,ㅌ

배움과 하나님.

이 두가지를 가장 사랑한다.
그리고 난 기타를 샀다. 띵가 띵가 기분좋은 날..


A note for the author:

(Jetlag 때문인지, 생각에 빠져서 그런지..)

I'm an 어린 양, soft at heart, easily influenced and meek at times.
My character is constant, I am content and confident yet I'll be confused and lose my composure in very few situations because I'm afraid to disappoint.

Why not be more goal oriented, perhaps a little more feisty and challenging, clever, determined, and take pride in all that I am? It's right to sometimes fight for myself.

Pulling out on chances to embrace myself and my talents is not being humble but it's being a coward.

No one will know unless you tell.
Not one will hear if I do not say.
I am not seen if I do not show.

Love yourself for there is no one that will love you more than you.

And remember what's most important is my faith in God.
My belief that He is with me,
and He has the power to strengthen me,
He is willing, because He is willing.

I am His.